As I sit here holding my younger son (3), who has a runny nose and just wants my comfort, I am reminded of what happened today, a day I thought would happen much later…
At Taekwondo today, without thought, I asked for a kiss before my older son, who just turned 6 a couple days ago, went on the mat, he hesitated, looked around and I very much could tell, he was embarrassed of such an open display of affection. I was a little put back and asked if he was embarrassed, he replied, “a little mom” and after practically begging, he said he would give me a quick kiss, which he did, but as he walked away I realized that IT is happening.
I suppose we all know the children will grow up, they can’t live with us forever, they won’t need us forever but when you start to head down that road, especially earlier than expected, it feels like a reality that you were unaware of. My oldest son, Elijah, was born 2 months early, he has always worried me because of how sensitive he is, I fear the world will just eat him up and spit him out, but I am a mom and worry is my God given right. I have glanced at him throughout the day and have wondered where the time has gone. I know he is only 6 but tomorrow it will be 16 and I will barely see my baby inside of a growing man.
I have a 5 year old daughter and a 3 year old son, I suppose they worry me in different ways, though they both are tough as nails and perhaps when they too are not comfortable with affections mothers so often want to give, I will be blindsided also, but with Elijah, it almost feels like a death of something I can never get back. Of course, there is new beginning here, I am sure I will love every step on the road he takes to become the adult he will be, but I have a new appreciation for every little moment he wants to cuddle or hold my hand or just love me, because it is changing and I can’t go back.
🙂 Bet and Fam